There is a saying that the best laid plans in war immediately get thrown out at the first moment of battle. That’s also true when you deliver a funny toast or roast. But rigorous preparation can help.

1.  Notes or Full Speech?

A.  I’ve seen speakers go up with a few bullet points. This enables them to deliver their toast without looking down too much. But since I’m doing toasts and roasts in volume, I normally write 10-20 pages of new material. Then, I print them all out and rehearse like crazy, so it never seems like I’m reading.

B. Practice out loud repeatedly. Try to match your emotions to the material to make it come alive.

C. As you deliver your funny toast live, if you start to get laughs, ride each one like a wave. As one laugh starts to recede, hit the next joke and try to lead the audience towards continuous waves of laughter.

D. Keep close tabs on the audience reaction. If you’re not doing well, have a saver joke handy or switch topics. So, if things are going really poorly, bow out gracefully and learn for the next time.

2. Command the stage. Make eye contact with the crowd to show you’re in control.

A. But don’t go over the top. A confident friendly smile is like a warm introduction. An overly needy nervous smile will make an audience sense desperation.

3. Combine photos and funny comments.

A. Make sure to practice with the AV person to avoid glitches. As always, review everything with someone you trust to edit out what’s not working.

4. The Venue

I’ve performed in restaurants, nightclubs, theaters, museum halls, ballrooms, and more. Each situation has its own unique atmosphere. A nightclub has a loose feeling, while a Ritz Carlton ballroom is far more conservative and even stuffy. Adjust your material and your demeanor accordingly.

5. Sound and Lighting

Try to have the area you’re speaking from well-lit but not blinding. Have the audience dim but not dark. The sound should be clear and strong enough to fill the room. Test them all going up to delivery your funny toast.

6. Room Set Up

Ask to have the audience seated close together and near the microphone. It will greatly increase their reaction. If there is a dance floor in the middle, ask to move the mic equidistant from the audience. Dead space decreases laughter. Also, request a podium if you have any written notes.

7. Avoid Over Imbibing

I once sat through a rambling 20-minute best man speech that sucked the oxygen out of a wedding. A little alcohol can create bravery. Too much usually creates false confidence.

8. Video Your Toast

If there’s a videographer, request a copy of your toast. But use your phone or camera to make your own video as well. Study it to see what worked and what didn’t. It can also make a great gift for the guest of honor.

9. The Close

Don’t forget to extend your best wishes and toast to the honoree’s future. And, if you can, throw in one last joke to put a funny ribbon on your toast.

10. What Makes Me An Expert?

I’ve performed funny toasts for some of the biggest CEOs in the country. I’ve also done them for birthdays, anniversaries, honorariums, and more.

9. The Fake Toaster

At most events, I am introduced as friend, colleague or even someone presenting an award to the guest of honor. So, when everyone is expecting a serious tribute, they are pleasantly surprised when I deliver a funny toast.

10. The Hilarious Tribute Video.

I also create “This is Your Life Videos.” This is a movie about someone’s life or a funny history of a company or other organization. And it’s got all the details right, but it’s funny. So, one moment your friends, family, or co-workers are touched by emotion, and the next, they’re laughing hysterically. There’s a warm glow in the room. This is no ordinary generic video collage. This is a handcrafted piece of art that everyone will remember for a long time to come.

Harry Freedman has performed as a funny fake industry expert for the Los Alamos Nuclear Lab, The American Bankers Association, General Electric, and hundreds of Fortune 1000 companies. He is also a regular opening act for Ray Romano and has appeared on Everybody Loves Raymond and is in a new Ray Romano movie coming out in the Spring of 2023 called Somewhere in Queens.