THE LATEST SCUTTLEBUTT
The CDC, otherwise known as the center for dying cruiselines and the purellification of America, says the virus can remain airborne for up to 13 feet.
There are rumors that some cruise lines are attempting to get back in action by offering huge discounts and full refunds for any new passengers that get the coronavirus. However they are making no similar guarantees for any passengers that get the norovirus.
TWO POSSIBLE CURES
As you probably know by know, the virus cannot survive soap or other cleaning products. If you remember, last year a lot of kids suddenly began eating Tide Pods. It became such a huge fad, many of them ended up in the hospital. Records show that not one of those kids has gotten the Coronavirus.
We may never understand why these kids did what they did, since most of them are still unable to speak clearly. But it seems possible that they knew something was coming that we didn’t. And we’re still hoping for answers, just as soon as we can teach any of them to write again.
But there is hope. The good news is that the coronavirus dies in 80 Degrees Fahrenheit. So if you have access to a sauna or a steam, the heat will kill it. If not, you can get similar results by attending a Beach Boys Concert. Assuming of course that they are allowed out of quarantine and ever go back on tour. In a pinch, Jimmy Buffet will do just as well.